Kindness Leads to Repentance

The Family

My wife, Lindsey, and I have two little girls. Sophia Grace is 2.5 years old and Zoe is 8 months old. Sophia Grace and I are in a sweet spot in our daddy & daughter relationship. In a song, she recently declared me to be her “buddy.”

Learning to Say I’m Sorry

Last week, while helping her put on shoes to leave the house, Sophia Grace hit me so I asked her to apologize. Lindsey had recently been working with Sophia Grace on apologizing. When prompted by her mom, Sophia Grace would apologize and Lindsey would respond, “I forgive you.”

Previously, Sophia Grace had quickly apologized to Lindsey and Zoe when she hit them, but this time she was so embarrassed and distraught from hitting her “buddy” that she just cried and couldn’t even look me in the eye.  When I asked her to apologize, Sophia Grace just sobbed and could barely catch her breath.

A Mix of Shame & Embarassment

I knew that familiar feeling of shame mixed with embarrassment. I had experienced it as a kid and remembered how I felt before God after I had sinned. But I also knew that grace was the only thing that could deal with it.

So, instead of waiting for her apology, I got down into her line of vision and said, “Sophia Grace, I forgive you already. I love you. I will always forgive you. Will you please apologize?”

The look in her eye was awesome. I could actually see the shame dissipate immediately. As she smiled, her eyes sparkled and she happily announced, “I’m sorry, daddy!” while jumping in my arms. Romans 2:4 jumped to my mind—God’s kindness leads to repentance.

I want Sophia Grace to get so used to unconditional love and forgiveness that she expects it from me and doesn’t doubt it. That’s what God does with me.

Unconditional Love

But now we have a different problem. She enjoyed that moment so much that she knows she can hit me randomly (and gently) just so she can say, “I’m sorry, daddy” and hear me say, “I forgive you.” Eventually, we need to get to Romans 5:20-6:2. But I’m not in a rush, because I want Sophia Grace to get so used to unconditional love and forgiveness that she expects it from me and doesn’t doubt it. That’s what God does with me.

Gerhard Forde describes this unconditional love powerfully:

• The gospel of justification by faith is such a shocker, such an explosion, because it is an absolutely unconditional promise. It is not an “if-then” kind of statement, but “because-therefore” pronouncement: because Jesus dies and rose, your sins are forgiven and you are righteous in the sight of God! It bursts in upon our little world all shut up and barricaded behind our accustomed conditional thinking as some strange comet from goodness-knows-where, something we can’t really seem to wrap our minds around, the logic of which appears closed to us. How can it be entirely unconditional? Isn’t it terribly dangerous? How can anyone say flat out, “You are righteous for Jesus’ sake? Is there not some price to be paid, some-thing (however minuscule) to be done? After all, there can’t be such thing as a free lunch, can there?”

You see, we really are sealed up in the prison of our conditional thinking. It is terribly difficult for us to get out, and even if someone batters down the door and shatters the bars, chances are we will stay in the prison anyway! We seem always to want to hold out for something somehow, that little bit of something, and we do it with a passion and an anxiety that betrays its true source—the Old Adam that just does not want to lose control.

A Small Reflection

My hope is that my love is a small reflection of God’s loving kindness for her, which is consistent, ever-faithful, relentless, constantly pursuing, lavish, extravagant, and unrestrained.